Saturday, November 10, 2012

just be...but how?

hello all!

what a week! pezza turned SIX on thursday.  and we all made it this far alive!  there have been some moments along the way where i wasn't sure it would happen! hahhah!  in addition i had my very first kids mixed media art class at pezza's school.  it is a 6 week after school activity.  i have 7 kids in the class including my buddy Amy Sheffer's little boy Gabe - he and pez may have to be separated though.  together they get mischievous!  my goal is for them to have three completed mixed media pieces they can hang on a wall - class 1 was WILD but we accomplished what i wanted so that's good.  and we didn't do too much damage in the art room (though the art teacher was OBVIOUSLY displeased with us being in there :P)

i have an art journal page for y'all today.  and guess what - it has JOURNALING on it!  i have been working on more doodling and once i was done i felt it needed some wording in the doodles. 

i painted the picture with Twinkling H20s.  i'd really like to get better at both - the doodling AND the Twinks! I am usually better with the pics of the twinks but there is a fine line between capturing the shimmer and accidentally getting too much glare!

originally i was going to put blocks on the side with the colors i used to paint the picture but then i changed my mind

life has been extremely rough on me lately and i was thinking about it while painting.  many of you who follow my blog (or facebook) know i have been having quite a battle with health issues lately.  and it's been frustrating - an wide array of issues from annoyances to debilitating headaches to ulcers and a whole lot of pain.  my doctor has been NO help - just blows me off.  several specialists have gotten to the bottom of a few things but no widespread relief.

and then for other reasons i decided several months ago to stop taking the antidepressant i have been on since after pezza was born.  i was tired of feeling numb.  it takes away the depression and sadness but it also takes away all other emotions as well.  i tapered down slowly, went through the withdrawals and issues with that and i am finally OFF.  guess what.  EVERY single health issue i was having - large and small - GONE.  just gone.  things i would have NEVER connected to it.  how could my doctor have missed that?  isn't that why they are prescriptions - so they can monitor side effects?  so that is HUGE good news! 

however, it is rough - i have battled depression, HUGE depression problems since i was a kid.  and the adjustment to being off the meds is tough.  My coping skills are lacking.  so i have been thinking alot about how to get myself into a better place.  i do feel, in some ways, like i am coming out of a fog.  i am working on being kind to myself - it's hard. and on who i am.  and i was reminded of something a very smart woman told me once.  at the time she was talking about relationships but i am realizing it is applicable to more than that.  and simple - but not.  i just need to BE what i admire and perhaps i will begin to feel better.  instead of spending my time being/doing nothing and beating myself up for it.  not helpful at all!  or perhaps i am having a mid-life crisis?  i look in the mirror and it's like - wow!  who the heck is that old person?  maybe it's the fog of being home with a pre-schooler i am coming out of!

so that is my long ramble for today!  we are having a birthday party for pezza tomorrow - just a couple close friends and some of hubby's family. i hope you all have a wonderful weekend!


  1. Marti - I feel your pain (from one who has a family history and myself of depression). It is hard to see the positive side of things but you are doing such a great job and to be so brave to put it out there for others like me who suffer. i applaud you. and of course, because i'm a lover of twinks - can never get enough of those luscious pots of shimmer.

  2. I am so glad, you are out of that fog and no longer struggle with headaches, ready to embrace creativity and love life. Do look into homeopathy, aromatherapy (if poss. with allergies - perhaps the hydrosols would work...), herbal treatments, flower essences such as in for any remaining struggles.

    I can't wait for the art that will come from uninhibited, fog free creativity! :)

    If there is depression left, turn it into art, set it free through art...perhaps you were always meant to do just that...


  3. Oh, and I love the tulips, how cheerful, and full of life they look! They are ready to jump, yet go with the flow! 'Tulips on the move'...:)


  4. Sorry for your health problems. I cannot relate to them because I have never been depressed, not even after 8 surgeries including brain surgery. I'm just not a worrier I guess. I just don't see the point of it. Please try to just let things BE, they will BE if you worry or not so let them BE. My husband says I see the world thru rose coloured glasses and I guess he's right - but they are better then muddy ones! Stay strong, stay positive, let your Saviour worry for you - works for me!

  5. Marti, this really speaks to me. I have some chronic health issues and depression and was on a medication a few years ago that had the worst side effects. I along with my family thought I was losing my mind. I finally found a DR. that listened to me and helped me get off of the meds. The Dr. that gave them to me lost his medical license. He was prescribing 4 meds that had terrible side effects WITH each other. It took me a long time to get over the effects of those meds, but I did it. I totally understand depression. Had it my whole life b/c of some child-hood traumas. If you ever need to me! I get it..I have been through ALL of this and I do understand.

  6. Hi Marti, I love your beautiful tulips and the H2o's! I have depression in my family also as well as bi-polar. My daughter-in-law takes meds for depression, and has since her teens. But I think having her son, now 4 really helped her have a purpose and she is an excellent Mom, and although still on meds, the lows very infrequent. So hopefully now that your other medical problems are gone you will be able to find yourself in your art and art community and in your devotion to children. And perhaps if still needed a med that won't cause ill effects.

  7. I'm sorry about your health issues. I hope you are feeling better and more whole each day. LOVE your doodles...the colors are beautiful!